Oh Bollox!!

Before you start complaining about the word “Bollox” I must inform you that a court in Nottingham in 1977 actually ruled the word to be neither obscene nor abusive, read this http://www.acc.umu.se/~samhain/summerofhate/courtcase.html. This is of course the famous case against the Sex Pistols. My favourite bit is ……

Prosecutor Ritchie ” Are you an expert on the word bollocks?”

Professor Kingsley. “I am an expert on the English Language and feel that I can speak with authority on the derivation of the word bollocks. (You can just picture the Prosecutor saying to himself “Oh bollocks, there goes plan A”). You see this is a common tactic developed by the legal profession and it can be hugely successful, as in the Kieran Fallon race fixing case.

Defence Barrister. “Are you an expert on English Racing”?

Crown Expert Racing witness. “No”

Defence Barrister (to himself obviously) WOOHOO!

Anyway the reason for my utterance is this Human Rights Bollox. You probably saw during the week that a convicted robber is taking his case to the European Court using our money obviously to get his right to vote. So far it has cost “Tens of Thousands” and is likely to cost a lot more when he wins his case because 900 odd other prisoners will have to be compensated and the costs will be phenomenal.

Human rights is an interesting box of frogs, for instance you have the right not to be sold into slavery…. Good one, I’m all for that! Free speech….. Yes I like that, but I’m not that sure we really have it? Prohibited under the bill are Murder, Rape, Massacre and torture …yes that seems fair enough, but did we not have all that pre 1948 anyway when the Human Rights stuff was written. You would like to think that there wasn’t too much debate over whether to include murder rape and slavery etc, but it did take a while to get the thing up and running. An interesting quote from Wikipedia, so it may or may not be true but it’s worth looking at.

“When the atrocities committed by Nazi Germany became apparent after the Second World War, the consensus within the world community was that the United Nations Charter did not sufficiently define the rights it referenced.” Please tell me that before 1948 there was NOT some doubt at to whether you were actually allowed to murder 6 million people in gas chambers or not.

The robber vote case is interesting for a few reasons. First, You would imagine that the chap can’t be that clever or he wouldn’t have been caught and now languishing in the nick. So where did he get the idea? Could it be that he was put up to this and for what reason?

Second, why is there not a human right to have common sense applied? I thought that this would be enshrined somewhere in Common Law but the closest I can get is the “Reasonable man” concept which is well documented and used to determine the outcome of certain cases by asking the question “What would a reasonable man do, or have done in the circumstances?” Would any reasonable man have allowed this case to get this far? I don’t think so. All this does is make the judiciary and the government look stupid as they burn our money on this Bollox.

I am compelled to point out to you that in common law the concept of “A reasonable woman” has never been mentioned. I would speculate more on this subject but the Wife might read this.

How to lose £84 MILLION!

1) Derry factory site ‘sold too cheaply’

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The report showed that the Tillie and Henderson factory was sold on after four months for a £175,000 profit – and the taxpayer never saw an extra penny of the profit.

http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/northwest-edition/daily/article2951343.ece

You can read that story but basically its no big deal. The most interesting part was

“The Northern Ireland Audit Office report found that a number of sites across the province were sold off at £4m below market value. £4 million, but believe me thats small change”.

2) Sweeney’s big land sale deal on the brink of being sealed

http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/article3226489.ece

This is an excellent story and well worth reading, but basically what happened was the Government sold this land for £50 million which was £25 million below the valuation. Another £25 million gone, but they did turn down the first offer for the land of £9 million even though they were being lobbied by Ian Paisley jr and they do deserve some credit for that. Seriously they could have just sold it for £9 million and got a rap on the knuckles from the Auditors Office. So that’s ….£4m plus £25m = £29 million… GONE!

In the tradition of keeping the best until last this wasn’t even reported locally apart from a few sentences in Property News so I have to make up a headline. Try this……..

3) HOUSING EXECUTIVE LOSE £55 MILLION

In the Sunday Times earlier in the year (May) and there was a small report about the deal done by the Belfast Property Partnership MLS The Times reported that a plot land was bought 11 months ago by MLS for £40 million from the Northern Ireland Housing Executive and will be sold to Irish investor Michael Taggert for £95 million. Obviously a £55 million profit in less than a year.

 

Below is a report on the same deal in Property Week,their figures are slightly different and I believe the land was in Strabane and was possibly called Millmount. The original report in the Sunday Times Business section was done by a girl called Aine Coffee

 

 

Investor Michael Taggart, meanwhile, has bought the 90 acre (36.4 ha) Mill Mound site in Belfast from the MLS Partnership for £96m.

The MLS Partnership, bought the site three months ago for just £36m.

http://www.propertyweek.com/story.asp?sectioncode=36&storycode=3086230&c=1

So that’s £25m + £4m + £55m = £84 million GONE! The list of things Northern Ireland could have done with £84 million is too long to even start. How come all the really smart guys work for the property developers and not the Government apart from Ian Paisley jr. He works for us.

IQ TESTS FOR MPS

 Interview with Edwin Poots Northern Ireland Minister for Culture on the BBC.

Part of a discussion on evolution………….. starting at the “Big bang theory”

Edwin Poots: Matthew, you’re telling me that cosmic balls of dust gathered and there was an explosion. We’ve had lots of explosions in Northern Ireland and I’ve never seen anything come out of that that was good. And you look at this earth and you tell me that there was a big bang and all of a sudden all that is good about this earth came out of it?

Matthew Parris: Good heavens! You’re the culture minister and you don’t believe in evolution?

Edwin Poots: Yes, absolutely. And you’re telling me that all of this evolution took place over billions of years, and yet it’s only in the last few thousand years that Man could actually learn to write?

William Crawley: How old is the earth?

Edwin Poots: My view on the earth is that it’s a young earth. My view is 4000 BC.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Now maybe we are expecting a bit too much from Edwin, basically hes a farmer and an excellent one for all I know, but what is he doing as Minister for Culture. Its embarrassing for the people of Northern Ireland to be represented by someone like this. One of the blogs I read had a comment that said “My God these people are watching the Flintstones and think its a documentary”

I know its a paradigm shift that is required, but could we not have some small intelligence test for MPS, even the 11 plus would do. Oh and maybe a little test to see if they are actually sane!

YOU ENGLISH…. Teh

I remember reading years ago about a guy in Australia who had the same name as a particularly nasty spider. This could be an urban myth but the story goes he changed his name to Smith and when the Aussies heard about this on the News they started calling the spiders “Smithies” Keep this in mind.

I was reading today about Jeremy Clarksons campaign to raise money for the injured soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan and the treatment of one Ben Parkinson who lost both legs and suffered  injuries so serious he has been described as “the most wounded soldier ever to survive” Now thats bad enough ,but …

1. His comrades were not allowed to visit him in an NHS hospital while in uniform because it might offend Muslim patients and Staff………. Do Muslims not get embarrassed about this stuff?
2. His first offer of compensation to cover his lifelong medical expenses, hes 23, was £152,000. A Typist in the RAF was awarded £484,000(yeah 484k) for a repetitive strain injury to her thumb. (Sunday Times today). …….What is going on in England?
3. If you can donate, go to www.timesonline/sundaytimesappeal. Please note donations are not for the typist.

Meanwhile an English Schoolteacher is incarcerated in Sudan for letting her pupils name a Teddy Bear Mohammed. Hmmmmmm Aussie guy, spiders……Opportunity knocks here , I personally am very tempted.

GOOD FOR GUINNESS

“Guinness said Wednesday evening’s heist was a serious security breach. In all, 360 kegs of Guinness and Budweiser, and 90 kegs of Carlsberg were taken from the huge distribution complex on the busy Victoria Quay. The beer and stout was worth 64,000 euro.”

This is the best thing that ever happened to Guinness, it could even be a very clever marketing ploy (probably not though) but, look at the advertising generated for a paltry 64,000 euro. Covered in all TV NEWS SHOWS, Newspapers, websites and blogs. How would 64k euro compare to the millions spent on their excellent and artistic advertising campaign. Maybe there will be a load of copy cat heists, Murphys Stout people are probably sitting in the brewery right now with a truck loaded up with 800 kegs and their fingers crossed that somebody will steal it.

MOD RELEGATED AFTER A SERIES OF HEAVY DEFEATS.

You could not make this up. Bring back the pigeons. I know its old news but you got to laugh.

From The Times

March 8, 2007

MOD NEW RADIO TOO HEAVY FOR MOST SOLDIERS.

Michael Evans, Defence Editor

A new radio system for the Armed Forces, developed at a cost of £2.4 billion, is too heavy for the average soldier to carry, a report by MPs has revealed.

Soldiers using the Bowman digital radio have also found that they cannot talk to other communication systems deployed with allies on the battle-field in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Edward Leigh, chairman of the committee, said: “The Bowman radio packs, despite the repeated concerns of directors of infantry, weigh a ton and so can’t easily be carried by the infantry in combat.”

MPs said that the MoD had paid an extra £121 million to General Dynamics to ensure that the first phase of the Bowman programme was completed on time.

Missing the targets

Eight advanced special-operations Chinook Mark 3 helicopters were bought from the United States for £252 million 12 years ago but have been grounded ever since because they cannot fly in cloud… DOH!!!

More than £90 million was spent to modify the standard SA80 rifle after numerous complaints from soldiers that it jammed and that bits fell off. DRAT….WE SHOULD HAVE GOT A WARRANTY FROM THE MANUFACTURER

The £2.2 billion Nimrod MRA4 maritime patrol and attack aircraft programme ran into trouble when it was found that the wings were the wrong size…….. HELLO!

Northern Ireland 8 —– NHS junk computer 7

Yes a bit of a result for Northern Ireland gaining £8 billion from the Government who only spent £7 billion on the NHS Computer system that doesn’t work. There is one slight problem The NHS Computer may well get a few more in injury time as N.I. is finished scoring for this year at least.

I just heard on the news that consumer spending in the UK this year is expected to top £600 billion. Now that set me thinking… The government would get at least £60 billion of that in VAT AND PROBABLY A LOT MORE. Never mind the money they get from Income Tax, Corporation Tax, Inheritance Tax, Rates and the rest of the little schemes devised to extract money from the general public. An interesting one that you couldnt make up goes like this…… Your relative dies in Plymouth and you live in Manchester, to bring the body home you have to pay a tax for each county it passes through, what sick mind came up with that idea? What exactly do they do with it all?

Why did Northern Ireland only get £8 billion? We live in the most expensive part of the UK; we have the lowest wages, highest fuel costs, food costs and housing costs. The Government says (Peter Hain 2005) we get £5 billion more than we contribute, presumably that means we contribute £3 billion and it costs the UK Government £5 billion a year to keep us going. Local Government (its not really a government, its more like a franchise or something) can’t reduce corporation tax to compete with the Republic of Ireland for investment so we are prevented from competing on a level playing field.

Now the British Government is not completely stupid but are they paying us £5 billion a year so that we cant compete with the rest of the UK? It’s a possibility is it not? After all £5 billion is a pittance in their terms.

Up to £100k a Year. No Experience or Qualifications required.

No sales, No Targets but an ability to waffle and tell lies would be helpful. All you need to do is get elected to parliament. It is astonishing that the people running the country don’t need even a single GCSE. An office manager with a dozen staff usually needs a good University Degree and he will have targets and earn every penny of a £30k a year salary.

Perhaps we are wrong to expect our* politicians to make reasonable decisions based on experience and knowledge when they don’t have either (actually they are your politicians not mine as I don’t vote).

The decision making process probably goes something like this….

“What shall we do with Northern Rock?”

“Why don’t we get Branson to take it over?”

“But hes the guy who defrauded the Vat people of 60k”

“Yeah but that was years ago, and he looks a bit like Jesus…. go for it”

“Well done Prime Minister”

IFA £8 Million — Village Residents 0

The Village Residents did score but this was disallowed when the Minister discovered there was no money left to refurbish the sub standard homes in the Village Area.

• BUDGET BITES AT HOUSING FUNDING

Residents of South Belfast’s Greater Village area were left reeling this week after being told they will not be receiving funding for regeneration of the area. In a meeting with representatives from the Department of Social Development on Monday furious residents were informed that budgetary restraints mean they will not be given any public money to address the housing crisis in the area. The news comes after a year of protests and marches by residents, cross party support for the campaign and a visit from social development minister Margaret Ritchie who said a number of the properties were “unfit for habitation” and pledged there would be a “balanced and comprehensive” regeneration of the area.

Around £8 million has been promised to local football…. by the Department of Culture, Arts & Leisure if the two main associations streamline into a smaller, more representative board.

No money for houses but £8 Million for local football? OK I know it’s a different department but its still government money.

£200,000 for a sculpture in Belfast Centre and no money for houses!

£8.5 million to refurbish the Ulster Hall and no money for houses.

The list is endless………..

One of the key skills of Management is the ability to prioritise

Has anyone checked to see if these politicians know what they are doing? Do they have any management skills? It doesn’t look like it.

You are entitled to know because these decisions are made on YOUR behalf.